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The act of forgiveness is something important — something of which to strive to do more.  Not only is it a kindness, but it is also a very important act for both the person doing the forgiving and for the one receiving it. The simple process of forgiving is very freeing. It allows us to move on with our lives and strive towards happiness.

Ignoring forgiveness and holding on to

• anger
• grudges
• feelings of revenge

can keep you from moving on. The end result is that you feel stuck — trapped in your anger. Without forgiveness, it’s hard to let go and move on. Holding on to that anger takes a lot of time and energy that could be better spent on more-positive, more-fun pursuits.

Anger and resentment don’t make you a pleasant person to be around. Instead, your family and friends may slowly-but-surely withdraw adding to your feelings of resentment and helplessness. In the worst case scenario, ignoring forgiveness can lead you to a downward spiral that leads to isolation and depression. It’s important to make forgiveness a priority to make sure that it does happen. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth working towards.

Another important reason to give forgiveness serious action is that forgiving makes you a better and stronger person. It’s not easy to let go and forgive. It’s not easy to love through the pain and the hurt, but, when you manage to do so, you’ll come back out on the other side stronger than ever.

Forgiveness is an important part of the process of getting over a wrong done to you. It’s what helps you find closure and peace.

Without forgiveness, the anger and resentment will continue to eat away at you. Ignoring forgiveness, Read more

In our last post, I shared thoughts about exactly what forgiveness is and what it means. Today, I want to take a little bit of time to look at what forgiveness isn’t and what it doesn’t mean. There are a number of common misconceptions when it comes to forgiveness.   It’s important to clear some of them up before moving on with this Challenge.

If you were a little reluctant about joining us — or aren’t quite ready to give it 100% — one or more of these misconceptions may be holding you back. Let me quickly run you through them so you gain an even-better understanding of what forgiveness is and isn’t all about.

1. Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean You Excuse And Condone

When we forgive people, we do it despite knowing that what they did was wrong and possibly hurtful. It does in no way mean that we excuse and condone their behavior or that we suddenly agree with them. Far from it. Instead we decide to forgive despite what they’ve done.

Forgiveness simply means that we choose to get past it and bring closure for our own sake. Forgiveness is much more about the person doing the forgiving than it is about the one being forgiven. It helps us to not only move past what happened, but also stop feeling grief, anger, and pain about it. It’s a very freeing experience. Forgiveness is about acceptance of things we cannot change, or over which we have no control.

2. Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean Giving Up

To forgive someone doesn’t mean that we’re giving up. We can still work on finding justice or continuing to work towards improving things and forgive at the same time. It simply means that we choose to let go enough that the anger, pain, and fear no longer paralyzes us.

Forgiveness is a very freeing feeling. It helps us move on with our lives.  It doesn’t mean that we’re giving in and suddenly going along with everything the other person does. In fact, we can fully forgive someone and continue to not spend time with Read more

The other day, I came across a quote about forgiveness.  I would like to share it with you —

“Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles,
a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives
you back the laughter and the lightness in your life”.      – Joan Lunden

We all have those days when we’re exceedingly uptight — whether that manifests in clenching our teeth or feeling tense and tight inside. When this is due to holding onto resentment, there IS a solution.

However, it can be a difficult proposition to activate that solution. Sometimes it’s hard to forgive and find our way back to happiness. We feel the need to hang on to the anger and hurt, and get some sort of revenge for the wrong done to us. Yet, often, that revenge never comes because the other person has long moved on with their life.  Or, perhaps the revenge does not come because that other person didn’t realize how much s/he had hurt us in the first place.

On the other hand, sometimes, we do get our revenge. We get a chance to lash out and hurt back. When it’s done, we end up feeling hollow inside, realizing too late that causing more pain does not cancel out the pain we received.

Instead, our time and energy would be much better spent learning to forgive  Having done so, we stop being stuck in the anger and hurt, and are freed to move on with our life. Are you ready to Read more

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you”. — Lewis B. Smedes

Let’s talk about forgiveness and what exactly it is. If you look up the definition of forgiveness, you will learn that it is the act of forgiving someone. Of course, using a word to define itself doesn’t reveal much, does it?

I think the quote above is a lot more telling. Forgiveness involves two or more people — or you and yourself — and there usually has to be a previous incident that requires forgiveness.  You might think that forgiveness is all about the other person.

However, when you are mad, angry, disappointed, or sad about something that someone said or did to you, you are the one who is carrying the burden.  And, for as long as you agree to carry it, you are the one who is shouldering the weight.

When you get to the point where you can forgive and move-on, something truly amazing happens. You realize that the only person being hurt by hanging on to that anger is you.  You might not believe me now, in the midst of hurt and anger, but, forgiveness is much more about YOU, than it is the other person involved.

When you look at the act of forgiveness as a journey, it becomes a journey which involves coming to terms with an unpleasant or hurtful experience.   Once you’re able to come to terms with the hurt, you also come to the realization that the only person you were really hurting with your anger and resentment is yourself.

Forgiveness then, truly a noble act, is a noble act in which you engage for yourself. Forgiveness is about giving yourself permission to let go and move on.

Of course, this can be easier said than done.

Forgiveness is also strange in that it is both an act and a process.  It starts with the Read more

When you have an insurmountable amount of pressure in your life, it can feel as if you are weighed down by a large burden on your back.  This can bog you down when it comes to achieving your goals.

There is Good News:  Fortunately, like most of the problems in life that you will come across, pressure is all in your mind. This means that your THOUGHTS are massively important to what you experience in your life.  How you choose to think about an event –  your perception of it — makes all the difference in the world!  As such, there are some things you can do to change your perception of the situation which will help you release some of that stress and pressure from your life.

1) Strive for Acceptance, not Perfection

The whole concept of attempting to be a perfectionist is pretty pointless. By striving to ensure that everything goes exactly the way you want it to, ultimately, you set  yourself up for future failure.  In addition, you put unnecessary pressure on yourself. This has a counterproductive effect which will essentially reduce your ability to do an excellent job.

That isn’t to say that you shouldn’t strive to do a good job.  Nor is it to say that you shouldn’t complete the job in a time-efficient manner.  At the same time, it is important that you are aware of the fact that obstacles or shortcomings may manifest themselves. As such, as opposed to striving to be a perfectionist, understand that it is normal for you to experience a few shortcomings here and there … and refuse to allow your task-completion to be impeded by them.

2) Others’ Opinions & Beliefs

Some of the pressure that you may be experiencing could be due to the fact that you’re overly concerned about the opinions of others. As a wise man once said, the trick isn’t to avoid hurting, the trick is to not mind that it hurts.

The same thing can be said about the opinions or validation of others: the trick Read more

There are numerous situations that cause stress and pressure. We usually think of causes of pressure as being negative, such as a rocky relationship or an exhausting work schedule. However, anything which puts high demands on you or forces you to adjust can cause pressure and/or stress.

Causes of pressure can include positive events such as purchasing a house, receiving a promotion, getting married or going to college. Pressure can also be self-generated; for example, when you have pessimistic thoughts about life.

What causes pressure in your life  depends, at least in part, on your perception of it. If you see it as pressure-producing, it is.  If you see the same situation as one that can be easily managed, it can. Below are 5 common causes of pressure.

1. Money

Financial trouble is a common cause of pressure. Rent, not being able to make ends meet, or credit card debt can put a serious amount of pressure on a person. In this society, where a lot of emphasis is on what you have and what you can afford, financial pressure is something that almost everyone can relate to.

2. Relationships

Arguments with a parent, child or a spouse can increase stress. When you live together, the pressure may feel compounded. Issues among members of family or relatives, even if you are not directly involved, can cause additional pressure.

3. Procrastination

Everybody procrastinates for different reasons. However, in many situations, you might find yourself despairing because you feel overwhelmed or scared of what needs to be done. This can develop frustration, stress, and unnecessary pressure. Instead of tackling a thought-provoking project in stages, you might find yourself trying to do an entire project at once.  Then, because this approach Read more

As was stated in the last blog post, the Pressure Paradox is  the experience in which the more important a deadline or goal is, the more pressure and stress it can put on you — and/or you can put on yourself — to get it done.

How to Beat the Pressure Paradox

Here are 4 keys to beating the Pressure Paradox:

The first key is to allow yourself to relax even in the face of an important deadline or huge goal. Take a few deep breaths and clear your mind to use to get you started!  Then, take a few more deep breaths when you become overly distracted with self-criticism — slow down, let go of the pressure, and breathe.

The second key is to guide your self-talk.  Tell yourself, affirmatively, that you’re doing fine.  Ignore the destructive voice in your head that chronicle a long, awful list of disastrous possible-outcomes.  Ignore the negative thoughts that, otherwise, cause you to worry.  These forces of anxiety and self-criticism are depleting your overall mental resources.  They, actually, constitute self-fulfilling prophecies that make you less likely to succeed.

The third key to use when the heat is on is to distract yourself. Take 5 minutes and play a simple mental game. Count backwards from 100, or sing a song. Anything you can do to take yourself out of the mental loop of self-criticism and doubt is a good thing.  Try counting paperclips! It’s not the activity that matters, Read more

Stress and Pressure

We all have to deal with stress and pressure at work and at home. Whether it’s

• meeting a goal for the day or
• sticking to a deadline or
• getting to an appointment on time

pressure can be a constant part of your life. One of the things that you might notice about working under pressure — especially if you are one of those who don’t handle stress well — is the more important a deadline is, the more pressure it can put on you to get it done.

The Pressure Paradox

Even the most-experienced, most-able people are more likely to fail under pressure.  This can be true, even when their performance is otherwise top-notch. This is called the Pressure Paradox.  It is a fact of life that can plague you when you have to perform under pressure. The Pressure Paradox is mostly a problem-of-the-mind.  It comes from overthinking when you’re close to a goal or deadline.

The Pressure Paradox is driven, fundamentally, by stress and pressure. The more important a goal is, the more you really want to do a good job with it.

The more important a goal is, the more probable it is that you change your normal approach to the job.  In other words, rather than relaxing and letting yourself Read more

Stress is a physiological response of the body due to external stimuli. Much of dealing with stress is a mental exercise, determining where the stress comes from and then making healthy and productive reactions second nature.

But what many people neglect to consider when they are trying to deal with overwhelming amounts of stress is the way in which they care for their bodies. Stress is a natural response, and if you are working with a healthy body to start off with, your response to stress will be much better and more productive than if you are living an unhealthy lifestyle.

To this end, be sure to consider the way in which you live your life on a physical level when you think about your mental ability to deal with problems. Staying fit and eating right can make a bigger difference than you’d ever considered. With this in mind, consider these tips when trying to change your lifestyle for the better and deal with stress.

1. Get enough sleep. Your mother wasn’t lying when she was talking about beauty sleep! In this case, though, the beauty is definitely more than skin deep – getting enough of it fuels your mind as well Read more

Trees purify the air we breathe and enchant us with their beauty. Many religions refer to a tree of wisdom or a tree of life. We speak of a family tree to describe our relationship with our loved ones.

Enjoy this meditation inspired by woodlands. All you need to get started is a quiet spot and a comfortable sitting position.

Observe your breath for a few minutes and then begin to reflect…

1. Picture a growing tree. Maybe you have a tree in your backyard that spreads out wide and reaches towards the sky. Maybe you’ve seen giant elms that seem to branch out forever.

Take several more slow, deep breaths …

2. Go to where you hesitate. Let your mind travel to a point where you’ve been holding yourself back. Ask yourself how you could benefit by volunteering at a charity you care about or learning a new sport.

Continue breathing deeply and slowly …

3. Muster up your courage. Trees would look a lot less impressive if they settled for being bare trunks because they only felt comfortable growing in one direction. Read more

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