Ways of Being: Life Coaching to Heal Your Life!
Marlene Shiple, Ph.D. The Life Coach Dr.: Heal Your Past + Heal Your Thoughts + Heal Your Self => Heal Your Life!

Jun

5

Forgiveness: What Is Forgiveness?

Filed Under Communication, Emotional Healing, Life Coaching, Mental Healing, Stress Remedies

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you”. — Lewis B. Smedes

Let’s talk about forgiveness and what exactly it is. If you look up the definition of forgiveness, you will learn that it is the act of forgiving someone. Of course, using a word to define itself doesn’t reveal much, does it?

Forgiveness provides release from prison by The Life Coach Dr., Marlene Shiple, Ph.D.I think the quote above is a lot more telling. Forgiveness involves two or more people — or you and yourself — and there usually has to be a previous incident that requires forgiveness.  You might think that forgiveness is all about the other person.

However, when you are mad, angry, disappointed, or sad about something that someone said or did to you, you are the one who is carrying the burden.  And, for as long as you agree to carry it, you are the one who is shouldering the weight.

When you get to the point where you can forgive and move-on, something truly amazing happens. You realize that the only person being hurt by hanging on to that anger is you.  You might not believe me now, in the midst of hurt and anger, but, forgiveness is much more about YOU, than it is the other person involved.

When you look at the act of forgiveness as a journey, it becomes a journey which involves coming to terms with an unpleasant or hurtful experience.   Once you’re able to come to terms with the hurt, you also come to the realization that the only person you were really hurting with your anger and resentment is yourself.

Forgiveness then, truly a noble act, is a noble act in which you engage for yourself. Forgiveness is about giving yourself permission to let go and move on.

Of course, this can be easier said than done.

Forgiveness is also strange in that it is both an act and a process.  It starts with the deliberate act of deciding to let go of the resentment you’re feeling. Once you make that conscious decision, then you can start the process of forgiving.

One way to get this to happen is to repeatedly forgive and forget — in cycles –  until you are truly over the anger, hurt, and pain.  Forgiveness is usually a process, occurring in step–fashion.

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you condone what they’ve done in the first place that hurt you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you suddenly agree with what they’ve done or take on their point of view.

Instead, forgiveness is about giving yourself the peace of mind to move on and get on with the rest of your life. While this may involve a reconciliation with the person you’ve forgiven, that isn’t necessary. Forgiveness really is all about you coming to terms with a bad experience … specifically, in order to get past it. Forgiveness is a very powerful event.  It is an experience that is  well worth exploring.

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